When friends talk about their upcoming nuptials and go “Bridezilla” over the right dress, perfect flowers, fanciest invitations, I can only think “been there, done that… twice!” See, I am a second-time bride. Yes, not something any first-time bride necessarily wants to hear, but I do have morethan my share of tales to tell, as I have been down this road (or aisle!) more than once. But it wasn’t easy for me – it took a deep look within and twenty-five wedding gowns to finally figure out the most important part of planning the big day – no matter if you are a first-timer or Elizabeth Taylor.

Allow me to explain…

 

Something Old, Something New

Planning a wedding can be an exhilarating, yet stressful event. But planning a wedding for the second time becomes even more complicated. Every magazine and wedding article seems geared for the first-time bride. And in my case, I was a second time bride to my husband being a first-time groom. Where everything was old hat to me, this was a whole new world for him. Luckily, we had always discussed an intimate beach-front wedding, so I thought that planning wedding number two would be a (sea) breeze.

 

As a second-time bride, I had what the first-timers didn’t have – experience. I was a little older, but much wise. I had been down the rocky road of arguments over Aunt Lucy attending, even though I had not seen her since I was five. I tasted my share of wedding cakes, visited enough reception halls, and listened to countless bands. I already had the insight of knowing the importance of carefully navigating through choppy waters towards matrimony, keeping my crew (ok, I mean my future husband) happy. So I forged ahead.

 

Trouble in Paradise

Then the hurricane struck! After all – this is a WEDDING: people want the church, the dress, the pictures, and the party. Did I want the hoopla… again? Every bridal book told me that I did – how could they all be wrong? I knew what I really wanted: This marriage – and I would do it in Vegas a la Britney (her first marriage, I might add) if I had to. But, against my better judgment, I decide to just look around and see what my options were.

 

Well, it didn’t take long before I found myself swept up in bridal hell! And to top it off, I was trying to out-do my first trip down the aisle to make this my “New and Improved” wedding. I became Bridezilla’s bad sequel. I needed my wedding gown to be whiter, the guest list to be longer, flowers to be… smellier? I had to make everyone forget that I did this already and really wow them with a wedding that they would NEVER forget. Aunt Lucy? Yes! Band or DJ? Yes and Yes! Five-tiered wedding cake? Oh yes! I was comparing every aspect of my first wedding to make sure I was doing more on this one. Our beach wedding was looking more and more like a three-ring circus – flamethrowers and all!

 

Break These Chains of Love

Meanwhile, I was the biggest of the flamethrowers. My future husband still talked about our small beach wedding, and I would nod lovingly as I looked at caterer catalogs. See, in my head, I still had not gotten divorced from my first wedding. This wedding had a lot more riding on it – I wanted this to be my last trip down the aisle. So, if this wedding was perfect, then the marriage would be too – right? There was a method to my madness – and it wasn’t just about the white dress and wedding cake – it was about making sure everyone knew that I was moving on up: Out with the old, in with the new: new me, new man, new life. Ha - so much for being wiser. Yet, the harder I tried to make this wedding “more”, the harder it seemed to plan: more money, more stress, and definitely more arguments.

I think I finally reached my own breaking point at a bridal shop, wearing a gown that was way more money than I ever thought I would spend on a single garment of clothing. It dawned on me that I was putting too much damn pressure on this wedding being perfect. I had more stress the second time than I remember ever having the first time. I was trying to “one-up” my past and I was the only one keeping score.

The reality was that this wedding wouldn’t be “perfect”, as there would always be something “better” I could have done. And this marriage certainly wouldn’t be “perfect”, as we would likely never compare with what we see in the movies or on TV (but would we want to? That is a whole other story).

Like any married couple, first-time, second-time or whatever – we would have our rocky seas to cross. But I would do my best to throw one hell of a party that made us happy (screw everyone else!), and would enjoy the life we had ahead of us, till death do us part.

 

Sweeter the Second Time

Fast forward and I am now two more years older, two more years wiser, and two years (and a few months) married. We had a beautiful beach-front wedding, with a total of thirteen guests (no, Aunt Lucy did not make the cut!), a 2-tiered cake, a light-pink gown, and memories that will last a lifetime. Everyone who attended thought it was lovely, and those who were not present were thrilled for us (and envious of our being able to pull off such minimalist nuptials!).

 

To all of you second-timers out there, I have this piece of advice: This isn’t wedding number two (or in Elizabeth Taylor’s case, number eight!), this is your number one. Do it big, do it small, do it however you and your groom-to-be want it done. Use your first-time planning experience as a guide. Don’t get caught up in the past, just plan out your future. And if your own inner Bridezilla just happens to show up from time to time, welcome her with open arms – after all, it is her wedding too!