You may think every bride and groom has a “Call me Dad” moment. But if you're like me — about a year into wedded bliss and still waiting for that special in-law experience — you're wrong. As awkward as it is for you to call another woman “Mom,” it's equally clumsy for them to call you “Daughter” or “Son.” As such, these heart-to-hearts have gone the way of the Kodak Moment, meaning we know that they happen to someone, but it's not us (besides, we've got Canon Digital Elphs anyway).

So what do you call your in-laws if you’re not specifically told to call them anything? While dating my wife, I got away with using variances on the standard greeting, Hello: “Heeeeey!” “Hey you!” “Hellooooo.” And when things got tricky, I improvised with solutions like, “Could someone pass the salt?” But now that I'm married, I'm have call them something — and so will you. Here's some of our options:

Mom and Dad

It's probably easiest to bite the bullet, forsake years of upbringing, and just call your in-laws “Mom and Dad.” Doing this immediately endears you to the heads of your new family, and not-so-subtly reminds them that they just inherited another mouth to feed come Thanksgiving.

But it also introduces three interesting dilemmas. First, what if your in-laws don't actually like you enough to think of you as one of their own? After all, you snatched away their poor little baby, and are the major reason that he/she doesn't come home for weekend visits anymore. It's a possibility, that’s all I'm saying...

Second, how do you recover when you call your father-in-law “Dad,” and he responds, “Call me Allen.” Ouch. That's more harsh than anything Simon Cowell has said on American Idol.

Third, what do your call your new Mommy Dearest when both your mother and your mother-in-law are together in the same room? Think about that one for a minute. Awwwkward.

Craig and Bonnie (or whatever they go by in the real world)

Many new married couples refer to their in-laws on a first name basis, but this too is rife with complexities. For example, we grew up next door to Mr. and Mrs. Dittmeyer, not Dottie and Steve, because respecting our elders is one of the cornerstones of our society. But then, at our college graduation barbecue, when they told us to call them by their first names, it just felt so wrong.

Similarly, it feels inappropriate to call your in-laws by their first name too, because it implies that they are peers, which they are not. Don't get me wrong — you're not a subordinate; you're part of the family. The relationship is similar to that of stepparents and stepchildren, which often operates on a first name basis, too.

But overall, nothing says “I'm talking to you” like using a first name. It eliminates confusion, cuts to the quick, and gets the job done.

George and Ma'am

This one is really only acceptable if you are Webster, or are marrying into the Popadopolous family.

Nanna and Papa

Grandparents are such a great invention. With the abilities to both babysit and spoil grandchildren, they are the most multi-facited members of the family who should be regarded with awe. However, one underrated aspect of grandparentry are the silly names that they give themselves once the stork drops a bundle. Nonnie and Poppop. Oma and Opa. Grammy and Grampy.

Consider yourself lucky to marry into any family that already has grandchildren — you've been granted a “Get Out of Awkward Free” card. This way you can call them names that they (likely) chose, (probably) like, and don't imply any forced familiarity or uncomfortable distance.